Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize