he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
