we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
