If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
