Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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