and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
