sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
