WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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