I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
