Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
