just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
