There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
