she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
