I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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