if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
