And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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