How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
