Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
