last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
