it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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