True but thats because hes a fetus.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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