R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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