I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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