I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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