Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
