i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
