There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize