i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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