Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
