please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
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