this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
