dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
