paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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