my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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