Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize