Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
