I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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