Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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