ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
