Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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