Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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