I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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