You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
