hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
