If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
