and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
