Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
