I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
