Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
