omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
