i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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