You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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