Welp...herpes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I will pee on everything he values.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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