I'm going to jail i love you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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