a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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