dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
