I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
