Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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