i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do herpes really smell.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
