everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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