Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
