I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
as a side note pls kill me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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