I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
