I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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