tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
