i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
