So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
