Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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