arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
