I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
