please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
