You smell like stripper and shame
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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