Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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