There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
