already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
