We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
