I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
