If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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