she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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