I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
