We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
