yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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