I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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